Farmer File

Now that we’ve endured another wet, nippy, blowy holiday time, including ridiculous blizzards up north, it’s time to consider this:

Whereas nobody knows for sure the exact date of Christ’s birth, why not observe the occasion on a day that would be a lot more convenient and reliable for successful celebrations than Dec. 25?

I suggest we move Christmas to the second Monday in June. The pros are many, the cons are few to none.

Possible reasons NOT to move Christmas to a warm, early summer’s day:

• We’ve used Dec. 25 since the Roman Catholic Church so deemed it centuries ago.

• A lot of the old Christmas songs would seem odd, what with all those references to snow and ice.

• Santa might be so miffed by the move that he would merge his sleigh/reindeer reins with Delta Air Lines and retire to the Antarctic, just the have a change of scenery.

• We couldn’t do snow angels in June.

Great reasons why we definitely should move Christmas to June:

• A summer Christmas would be a public relations no-brainer. The church reportedly chose Dec. 25 to replace a pagan holiday, Saturnalia, but few pagans still fret about that. It’s so eons ago.

• Most scholars agree Christ was not born Dec. 25. Their arguments can be tenebrous, but the clearest one might be that the Bible says shepherds were “abiding in the fields by night” with their flocks. They would not do that in December.

• True, some traditional Christmas songs would seem silly, but who wouldn’t welcome a respite from the chipmunks? And do you know anybody, anywhere who still has a one-horse open sleigh?

• Santa would have an incentive to shed a few pounds, his long johns and his reindeer, but those are good things. FedEx and UPS do a great job and the reindeer have had a good run.

• Sure we’d all miss snow angels, but we who live near beaches would have an obvious substitute and landlubbers could arrange sandboxes in the back yard.

• Changing to a summer Christmas would save individuals, airlines and law enforcement millions of dollars, because the lack of storms, blizzards, power outages and other horrors of winter weather would make holiday travel a piece of cake.

• We’d have no Christmas morning tears when granny checks in from Cleveland to say she was stranded at the airport there and would have to settle for an airport turkey club sandwich while little Johnny and Jennifer weep with granny via Skype. Oh, I forgot to mention, her gifts for the grandkids are in her luggage.

• A warm, sunny Christmas holiday would reduce family conflicts that often occur after a stressful, indoor day of noisy, nose-runny kids, obstreperous in-laws and a fridge full of easy access eggnog and margaritas. How? By the host shouting, to his fist-pounding relative, “Take it outside Uncle Dwight!” And Uncle Dwight need not fear frostbite.

• The 5000 or so people who share Dec. 25 as their day of birth would be ecstatic. They always suffer a dearth of presents, with many people thinking one gift on that date is a twofer. It’s just wrong. Their long gift deficiency would be over.

I realize people in the southern hemisphere might object to this idea, but they, like Rudolph and Santa’s other reindeer, need to give others a chance.

Also it occurs to me that, while Santa seems ageless, he might enjoy a warm weather career by now.

don@donfarmer.com

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