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The Democrats’ profiler in chief: Pelosi - Dunwoody Crier: Our Columnists

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Farmer File The Democrats’ profiler in chief: Pelosi

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Posted: Tuesday, November 20, 2012 10:01 am

Nancy Pelosi is profiling again.

The super-lib minority leader in the US House of Representatives was busting her buttons in a recent speech as she rattled off in excruciating detail the ethnic, racial, and sexual proclivity makeup of the Democrats who take office early next year.

So much is wrong, stupid and yet sometimes hilarious about the speech, but that’s redundant. It was Pelosi speaking, don’t forget.

She was basically parading her new acolytes, not in alphabetical order, not even by height. They were categories to her, affinity groups to be pushed around like checkers by a couple of old white males, long past their relevance to Pelosi and her pals.

I wonder how these new legislators feel when it dawns on them that their Democrat handlers think of them as just numbers, zeroes and ones in computer world, just interest groups, clusters of people who she thinks of mostly as boxes to check off as “present” in her official Pelosi Profile Portfolio.

The Democrat house leader has lots of checklists, including but not limited to males, females, blacks, Asians, Pacific Islanders, Virgin Islanders, Guamanians, one Indian American and one Hindu.

She also claims six people whom she calls “LGBTs” which means Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered. Also noted by the Dems is that the House of Representatives has among its ranks its first gay person of color.

The icing on Mrs. Pelosi’s cake of many persuasions is the fact that, for the first time, straight white males will be in the minority.

Another note, Mrs. Pelosi’s profiling effort did not extend to the U.S. Senate, but everyone knows that one new senator to be, Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts, has claimed to be at least 1/32nd Native American.

Hip hip hooray. We have learned, however, that the new class of Democrats in the Congress has missed a lot  of equally relevant pieces to the democratic checklist.

Our sources offer the following characteristics of this freshman class:

• Two of the new women congresspersons, both of Ecuadorian/Greenlandish descent, also share an inordinate interest in Macramé.

• Three of the new members from Tennessee hold consecutive championship titles from regional Beer Pong contests in the Knoxville area.

• One member, who campaigned on a “free thinking” agenda, made his primary issue a crusade to ban dew.  He sees dew as a byproduct of global warming and fears a tsunami of dew could flood the Great Plains within five years.

• Seven new U.S. representatives, all of them short women, have tattoos that are partially visible whenever they take part in a standing ovation.

• One newbie from Wilmington, Del., got off to a bad start in Washington D.C. when he mistakenly sat in Vice President Biden’s favorite seat on the train and Amtrak banned him for life.

All but one of the relatively few old white men in the Democrat caucus have athletes’ foot, but only one of them has a gym membership.

Mrs. Pelosi used an analogy to contract her gang of little cliques with the less colorful Republican majority. Her office said their new members “reflect the priorities, diversity and the values of their districts.

“The Republican caucus, if you look at it, looks like a re-run of the TV show Mad Men. Our caucus looks like America.”

Where’s her big, oversized gavel when we need it?

© 2016 Dunwoody Crier. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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